


Le Folie D'Adolescents

by Sunflower_01



Category: Ever After High
Genre: (someone check on Dexter), Apple is gay and done, Briar's grammar, Btw did I mention it's gay?, Cedar is innocent, Crude Humor, Darling loves swords and her gf, Discussion about mature themes in later chapters, F/F, F/M, How did I not mention that till now?, I regret everything but I take nothing back, It must be the french, Kinkshaming Headmaster Grimm, Mwahaha, Not a single straight in sight, Outdated References, Queerphobia, Raven likes star wars, Really Really Gay, Snow White is a terrible mother, The representation we deserve, The title sounds so dramatic, They need it, This is a group chat fic btw, for now, i need it, mentions of anxiety and depression, oh good lord, positivity, really gay, sorry - Freeform, they support each other, you need it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2020-05-31 17:12:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 10,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19430443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunflower_01/pseuds/Sunflower_01
Summary: Apple created a chat for educational purposes. They should have taken into account that their classmates are:1. Gay2. Unhinged3. Sleep deprived from looking at memes all nightThey form a chat that is also known as Milton Grimm's worst fear.





	1. In The Beginning-

**Author's Note:**

> First fic!
> 
> I wanted to do a group chat fanfic cause all my favorite fanfictions are chat-fics. So please try to enjoy this even though it is a literal dumpster fire.
> 
> WARNING: Language, gayness, crude humor, and outdated references.

**Golden Delicious Has Started A Chat**

**Golden Delicious Has Named The Chat: Third Year Students**

**Golden Delicious Has Invited I.studied.the.blade, EdgarAllanPoe, Carrot, Bootiful, 9lives, Slipper, cherry, t(esToSTerOne)shOp, thing 1, thing 2, Gossip_Girl, Offw/yourhead, Vegan_Cheerleader, Divorce, ramen, Stop F*cking Lying, Mirror, mirror, Forgottenmiddlechild, Stairs, Dancer, ROCKNROLL, Animals > People, Dancer 2.0 (improved), Begaydocrime**

Golden Delicious: Hello everyone. :D Feel free to ask about assignments, dates, or if help is needed in general.

forgottenmiddlechild: ayyyyye

Mirror mirror: AYYYYYE

Animals > People: ….

Forgottenmiddlechild: It’s not incest if you say no chromo

**Mirror Mirror Has Renamed The Chat: No Chromo**

Animals > People: O.O

I.studied.the.blade: Apple, bby?

Golden Delicious: Yeah?

I.studied.the.blade: PLEASE REMOVE MY FUCKING BROTHERS

Bootiful: do u mean fucking brothers as… annoying...or as in they’re havin sex cause based on what dex said…

Golden Delicious: This was supposed to be a nice thing.

Stop F*cking Lying: Apple, I’m really sorry.

Golden Delicious: Thank you Cedar

Dancer 2.0 (improved): I can't wait to talk shit about Duchess’ dancing!

Dancer: Oh fuck you

Dancer 2.0 (improved): Nah sorry Ramona already is 

Slipper: RAMONA THE HECK

EdgarAllanPoe: And here we see the two types of people

Those who will fucking swear

And pussies

Golden Delicious: Raven, please shut the fuck up.

Bootiful: only apple would use proper grammr and ask nicely for u to stfu

I.studied.the.blade: Yes and I love her for it

Golden Delicious: ♡

Slipper: OK BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND

ramen: ok, we can talk bout my sex life or..... 

we can talk about how cerise doesn’t have to wear a hood in summer cause her hair gets so poofy.

**ramen Has Sent An Image**

9lives: FLOOFY HAIR

Totally saving that 

cherry: I’m going to murder someone

Not sure if it will be ramona or kitty

But blood will be spilt

Damn it my parents say i can't kill ramona

Kitty it is

ramen: O.O

Carrot: Cerise please don’t kill Kitty! 

cherry: Why tf not??

Carrot: If I tell you something embarrassing will you excuse her behavior?

9lives: Ur not my fucking mom

Carrot: Really?

We all know I’m the mom of the Wonderlandians

Stairs: Explain

Carrot: Constantly done with your shenanigans and hooked on wine

Stairs: True

Wait, what was that last part?

cherry: Bunny, you might wanna hurry I just found a knife

Carrot: Kitty’s first full name is Katherine

cherry: Really?

How interesting...

9lives: HOW DARE YOU

YOU PROMISED NOT TO TELL

FIGHT ME

cherry: UwU

Animals > People: Uh… Apple?

Golden Delicious: I’m done.

I’m actually done.

I’m mcfucking done.

EdgarAllanPoe: Me thinks we broke her

Divorce: Impersonating Jar Jar Binks again?

EdgarAllanPoe: F off

Gossip_Girl: Wait what are you guys doing this summer?

Divorce: Why the fuck do you ask?

Gossip_Girl: Cause I need it for a story

cherry: Funny blondie

Gossip_Girl: No Im being serious

Stop F*cking Lying: ARE YOU STALKING US?

Gossip_Girl: JUST FOR FUCKS SAKES TELL ME

Offw/yourhead: OFF WITH YOUR HEAD

Gossip_Girl: FIGHT ME

Offw/yourhead: FIGHT ME

JKHDGASJDGWSFJHBGS

Begaydocrime: ????

Carrot: I STOLE HER PHONE

ALISTAIR HELP

MADDIE STOP PLAYING NIGHT CORE

**t(esToSTerOne)shOp Has Sent An Image**

Slipper: oh god

EdgarAllanPoe: MADDIE

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: Yes?

I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.

EdgarAllenPoe: I know this, and I love you

All the fucking homo

Bootiful: FUCK TON LEVELS OF HOMO

**Bootiful Has Renamed The Chat: FUCK TON LEVELS OF HOMO**

thing 2: PUKES RAINBOW

thing 1: Oh my.

I believe that we require medical attention over here


	2. 4th day; 4am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has not been even 5 days since the chat was formed and yet we already have two fools pining for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this instead of sleeping.
> 
> This was supposed to be another dumpster fire, but it turned into Clondie and another chat. 
> 
> So fucking enjoy.

**FUCK TON LEVELS OF HOMO**

**Gossip_Girl Has Changed The Chat Name To Answer Me Bitches**

Gossip_Girl: None of you actually answered my question

I.studied.the.blade: It’s four fucking am

Divorce: Why do you want to know?

Gossip_Girl: Just interested

I mean, I’m always interested in what you have to say

Divorce: Me?

Gossip_Girl: I like hearing from everyone

Not that I don’t like hearing from you.

You’re really wonderful to talk to

I mean, with advice and all

Divorce: I get it :D

You’re great with advice too 

Gossp_Girl: Thx!

So…..?

Divorce: I got a new mic.

Not that’s it’s gonna be any use

My funding’s barely even a quarter of what it used to be

Gossip_Girl: That sucks :C

Mine got slashed too

begaydocrime: Well, why don’t you two merge your shows?

Bootiful: h8 2 say this but, faybelle has a point

EdgarAllanPoe: So everyone's just awake at 4 am?

Bootiful: u r ant??!

**Darling To Faybelle**

Darling: U smooth ass bitch

Faybelle: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)>⌐■-■

U see it though, right?

Darling: Yes.

Another pair of useless lesbians

Faybelle: Another?

Darling: Nvm

We have to get them together

Faybelle: Leave it to me

Darling: Oh god

**FUCK TON LEVELS OF HOMO**

Gossip_Girl: What’s your favorite part of reporting?

Or, well, match making?

Wait, btw, do you do reporting?

Divorce: I do some. 

Just on events like True Hearts Day

That is probably my favorite time of year

Gossip_Girl: Oh yeah?

Divorce: Well it is an event of love

I love educating people on the history and helping all the couples get together

Gossip_Girl: Does it get tiring?

Seeing all the people in love

Divorce: Not so much tiring as..

Wanting a piece of that

Gossip_Girl: Yeah

**begaydocrime Has Started A Chat**

**begaydocrime Has Named The Chat: Sappho's Poetry Is Great**

**Begaydocrime Has Invited Golden Delicious, cherry, ramen, 9lives, I.studied.the.blade, Dancer 2.0 (improved)**

**begaydocrime Has Changed Their Name To** **✺\\(•̀ᴗ•́)/✺**

✺\\(•̀ᴗ•́)/✺: Okay, I’m about to add Blondie and Cupid

We are trying to get them together

ramen: okay?

someone is going to die

**I.studied.the.blade Has Added Bootiful**

ramen: someone is definitely going to die

✺\\(•̀ᴗ•́)/✺: WHY DID U INVITE HER

Golden Delicious: She could help us?

Bootiful: were getting blondie and cupid together right?

9lives: This will be fun!

cherry: Violently worries

Dancer 2.0 (improved): You know if you put “violently”....

In front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier

Golden Delicious: Violently studies

Bootiful: Violently sleeps

I.studied.the.blade: Violently trains

✺\\(•̀ᴗ•́)/✺: Violently murders people

Dancer 2.0 (improved): O.O

cherry: Violently worries about that previous statement

**✺\\(•̀ᴗ•́)/✺ Has Invited Divorce, Gossip_Girl**

✺\\(•̀ᴗ•́)/✺: OK BITCHES

YOU MUST LIKE GIRLS

AND CHANGE YOUR NAME TO SOME DONGER THINGY

I'LL ADD THE OTHERS LATER

I'M WAY TOO LAZY FOR NOW

Gossip_Girl: Hi Cupid!

Divorce: We were just talking?

Gossip_Girl: So?

Can’t I say hi to you?

Divorce: I guess

Hi!

Gossip_Girl: Hello

Divorce: Hola

Gossip_Girl: Bonjour!

Dancer 2.0 (improved) Has Changed Their Name To ヽ(๑╹◡╹๑)ﾉ♬

ヽ(๑╹◡╹๑)ﾉ♬: Isn’t France the city of love?

Ramen: THE CITY?

ヽ(๑╹◡╹๑)ﾉ♬: COUNTRY COUNTRY

cherry: I hope so, seems like it would be a big city

ヽ(๑╹◡╹๑)ﾉ♬: I don’t wanna tell you to stfu cause ur my gf’s sister but...

cherry: Nah it’s fine she loves u more than me

ヽ(๑╹◡╹๑)ﾉ♬: Oof

I.studied.the.blade: Huge fucking mood

**I.studied.the.blade Has Changed Their Name To ¤=[]::::: >**

¤=[]:::::>: You can never go wrong with a sword

9lives: The edges of a sword are straight tho

¤=[]:::::>: And that is the only part of me that’s straight

9lives: Ur sword is a part of you?

¤=[]:::::>: How dare you assume otherwise

Golden Delicious: She has two hands: one for holding mine, one for holding her sword.

¤=[]:::::>: I LOVE YOU BBY

**EdgarAllanPoe Has Renamed The Chat: Ever After Gays**

EdgarAllanPoe: Seeing as it is 5:30, I am now going to wake YOU BITCHES UP AGAIN

forgottenmiddlechild: pls no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're just gonna ignore that whole Dexter and Cupid thing...
> 
> I kicks under the carpet I


	3. There's 104 Days Of Summer Vacation, Then Headmaster Grimm Comes To End It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is now revealed that the students' coping mechanism is to forget and shame/meme each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned of Briar's grammar and extreme gayness.

**Ever After Gays**

thing 1: Guys! Summer vacation ends in a week.

thing 2: oh god

ROCKNROLL: NO

I.studied.the.blade: I reject that

EdgarAllanPoe: I do not want to be in a mile proximity of Headmaster Grimm

Stop F*cking Lying: Agreed

He sucks :C

Bootiful: Cedar ur too innocent

Golden Delicious: At least we get to see each other again?

EdgarAllenPoe: Yes but Headmaster Grimm

cherry: Raven has a point

He lowkey hates all the gays

Divorce: And he cut funding for my show!

I’m still pissed about it

Gossip_Girl: Same. Bet it’s because we’re gay

Carrot: I thought u were pansexual

Gossip_Girl: well I don’t feel like typing out LGBTQQIAAAPDNBCAGJDBQUNA all out

Dancer 2.0 (improved): Is that the new acronym?

ramen: probs is at this point

Animals > People: So what does that mean you’re attracted to pans?

Gossip_Girl: ROSABELLA UR SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

WE ARE THE ONLY TWO KITCHEN APPLIANCES IN THIS CHAT

Animals > People: I meant it as a joke!

I would never actually make fun of someone, especially for their sexuality

Bootiful: oh we now cuz, ur 2 nic

Golden Delicious: BRIAR YOU’RE KILLING ME!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

I.studied.the.blade: Briar, you broke her

She’s crying

Bootiful: hw do u know?

I.studied.the.blade: Cause we’re rooming

(˵ ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°˵)

Stop F*cking Lying: I don’t need to see that

I.studied.the.blade: OH SHIT NOT LIKE THAT

cherry: lmao

Bootiful: LMFAO

Mirror mirror: ANYWAYS, ROSA!

I.studied.the.blade: Fucking desperate

Mirror mirror: Fucking hypocrite

I.studied.the.blade: How? Pls explain

Stairs: AMERICA EXPLAIN

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: SO I AM CONFUSIon 

(true)

Offw/yourhead: Why is this one kansas?

Carrot: BUT THIS ONE IS NOT ARKANSAS

9lives: This actually flawless Wonderlandian logic

Begaydocrime: Why

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: WhY nOT HUh?

Mirror mirror: Anyways 

Rosa ily

Animals > People: Okie nice

Vegan_Cheerleader: Fucking rekt

forgottenmiddlechild: He’s sobbing

Begaydocrime: So much pathetic crying in this chat

Bootiful: i agre but faybelle stfu

Mirror mirror: Fine then

HUNTER

Vegan_Cheerleader: What bro?

Mirror mirror: I had a dream we fucked bro

Vegan_Cheerleader: Don’t worry bro it’s just a dream

Mirror mirror: Ha gay I wouldn’t fuck you

Vegan_Cheerleader: You wouldn’t? :C

Mirror mirror: I mean unless you want to..

thing 1: I love that we just have this unspoken agreement 

That no one interrupts when we’re quoting memes

thing 2: Of course, u don’t interrupt a holy ceremony

Slipper: Hey Rosa ♡

Animals > People: Hey Ashlynn ♡

I.studied.the.blade: Hello both of you (˵ ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°˵)

Mirror mirror: NOT AGAIN DARLING

Golden Delicious: Back the fuck off you two.

EdgarAllanPoe: Damn Apple

I.studied.the.blade: Don’t worry Apple, ily more than anything on this earth ♡

Golden Delicious: Ily too, you’re my one and only ♡.

Begaydocrime: Oh god I’m about to puke

Dancer: Same

Dancer 2.0 (improved): Weak stomach Duchess?

I bet it’s almost as weak as ur dancing.

**food: 11:51**

cherry: Ramona, ur girlfriend is burning duchess alive in the main chat

ramen: wow.

i'm so porud.

cherry: porud?

ramen: stfu.

i'm changing my name

cherry: No

I dont wanna

**ramen Has Renamed The Chat household appliances**

**ramen Has Changed Their Name To hotlikeaoven**

cherry: F u

**cherry Has Changed Their Name To dishwashthatshit**

hotlikeaoven: see that wasn’t so hard now, was it?

dishwashthatshit: I hate you

**Ever After Gays: 3:45**

Golden Delicious: Remember, be prepared to discuss the underlying themes of the Great Gatsby in Professor Nimble's class!

EdgarAllenPoe: I love how we just fuck around on this chat while Apple actually tries to do something meaningful

Bootiful: appl, we arnt gona get smrtr

Golden Delicious: I can’t even read what you’re saying at this point.

Bootiful: gud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really like this chapter :D  
> Wow.


	4. First Gay Of School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first day of school!

**Ever After Gays**

Golden Delicious: Another school year! :D

EdgarAllanPoe: Another school year... :'C

Slipper: The two types of people

Vegan_Cheerleader: Ashlynn where are you?

Slipper: In the left-side garden

I.studied.the.blade: It'll be alright Raven

EdgarAllanPoe: Ugh optimism.

Why are you even excited?

I.studied.the.blade: All my coursework has been changed!

Daring you're going down

Mirror mirror: BET

I.studied.the.blade: BET

9lives: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Also whose running for stud-co?

Offw/yourhead: Me

Golden Delicious: I am.

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: i aM

9lives: Ok, how about this:

cherry: Oh fucking god

ramen: IM TELLING MOM AND DAD

cherry: THEY DONT GIVE A SHIT

9lives: Tar and feathers for fetishizers

Stairs: Yes pls

Some straight girls need to legit lay off

Golden Delicious: Absolutely Kitty

If I become one of the stud-co presidents, it will be the first thing I will do.

Carrot: Has my vote

Offw/yourhead: I hope we can just keep stud-co like it is?

begaydocrime: Cause it's QUUER AF

Dancer: Quuer

Bootiful: Quuer

9lives: Quuer

Forgottenmiddlechild: Quuer

Carrot: Quuer

begaydocrime: STFU

ESPECIALLY YOU DUCHESS

Dancer: Why?

begaydocrime: CAUSE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE "FRIENDS"

Whatever those are

Stop F*cking Lying: O.O

Dancer: Well it should be Briar cause ur gf is not supposed to make fun of you

ROCKNROLL: What?

Dancer: Sparrow no one likes you

ROCKNROLL: Scooby Dooby Fuck You

Bootiful: HOW DARE YOU ASSUME I WOULD STOP THAT LOW

Begaydocrime: BITCH IM A TEN

Bootiful: 10 out of 100

Golden Delicious: RAVEN NO

Stop F*cking Lying: What?

EdgarAllanPoe: FOR FUCKS SAKES APPLE JUST LET ME KEEP A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF YODA SLUT DROPPING

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: YES

St*p Fucking Lying: NO

Divorce: No slut-shaming!

cherry: whatever

Slipper: THE FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE

Animals > People: I thought there were 2...

Slipper: Shut up

Animals > People: Meanie :C

thing 1: Maybe tone down the language?

thing 2: shut the everloving fuck up u pussies

Bootiful: GUD JOB POPPY

EdgarAllenPoe: Apple it's either this or one of Mariam Williamson 

Golden Delicious: You know what?

Just fuck it.

EdgarAllenPoe: YOU HAVE GIVEN INTO THE DARK SIDE MWAHAHA

I.studied.the.blade: DARING ARE YOU FUCKING COMING

Mirror mirror: YOU WERE FOR REAL?

I.studied.the.blade: YES GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE

ROCKNROLL: IM SELLING TICKETS

Dancer: Fuck you Sparrow


	5. Not all gays are criminals-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone does something more or less illegal.

**Ever After Gays**

ROCKNROLL: LET ME IN

LET ME INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMNNNNN

**Dancer Has Sent A Video**

Dancer: He forgot his Chemythstry hw in the common

Dancer 2.0 (improved): OH DAMN YOU SCREWED AF

Also Duchess I'm suing you for copyright

Dancer: I'll see you in hell bitch

Gossip_Girl: I call being lawyer!

Divorce: I call being the other lawyer!

forgottenmiddlechild: Somehow both parties are going to be found guilty.

Divorce: STFU

I HAVE POINTY THINGIES

forgottenmiddlechild: DID YOU JUST FORGET THE WORD ARROWS?

Divorce: IM SENSITIVE YOU KNOW

ROCKNROLL: YEAH REAL FUCKING NICE BUT CAN SOMEONE HELP ME

Vegan_Cheerleader: I have an axe?

thing 1: So we're just going to vandalize school property?

thing 2: Welp I'm in

**Ever After Gays**

Vegan_Cheerleader: SOMEONE HELP PLEASE

Mirror mirror: Why?

thing 2: We locked ourselves in the chemythstry classroom

Dancer: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT SPARROW

Daring please help us

thing 1: REALLY YOUR FLIRTING NOW?

Dancer: BITCH I HAVE A GF

And a bf but he's pretty irrelevant

thing 2: :D

ROCKNROLL: D:

Mirror mirror: NEVER FEAR FOR I

I.studied.the.blade: I got this!

thing 2: That meme is actually Darling incarnated

thing 1: Explain

Gossip_Girl: No one expected it, she punches her brother, gets the girl

I.studied.the.blade: I think a lot of that can be attributed to me being better than Daring

Mirror mirror: YEAH WELL IM GONNA SAVE THEM FIRST

I.studied.the.blade: NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT

**Ever After Gays**

I.studied.the.blade: Someone please help

Dancer: WHERE ARE YOU GUYS

Mirror mirror: Baba Yaga caught us running in the halls and now we're in detention

forgottenmiddlechild: You know, now if I get disowned, I won't feel so bad about it!

I.studied.the.blade: First: You good bro?

Secondly: stfu

forgottenmiddlechild: Yes i'm gucci

ROCKNROLL: ACTUALLY SOMEONE HELP

Stop F*cking Lying: I can get a key

Headmaster Grimm keeps a master key in his office

Gossip_Girl: Thank you Cedar!

begaydocrime: Oooooh

Illegal stuff! I wanna join!

**Ever After Gays**

Stop F*cking Lying: Ok so

We got the key

Dancer: Thank god

begaydocrime: But we're in detention

thing 1: HOW DID EVERYONE MESS UP SO BADLY

begaydocrime: WELL WE GOT THE KEY, BUT THEN HEADMASTER GRIMM CAME IN

IF CEDAR HAD JUST LIED-

Stop F*cking Lying: I CANT LIE

IM CURSED

thing 2: Guess we're stuck here for another 5 hours

**Divorce Has Renamed The Chat: Prison**

Divorce: We're all criminals down here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The point of this chapter was I to kind of focus on character's I otherwise kind of ignore and push to the sides. Not sure how well that aged but-


	6. Happy 40th Of July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial of the century begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 4th of July y'all!

**Prison**

EdgarAllanPoe: Why is the chat named prison?

Gossip_Girl: BECAUSE CUPID FUCKED UP AND WE'RE ALL IN JAIL

EdgarAllanPoe: Ok really 

St*p Fucking Lying: Cause Sparrow forgot his homework

Then Hunter, Sparrow, Holly, Poppy, Cupid, Blondie and Duchess got stuck in the chemythstry classroom 

Then Darling and Daring got detention

Then Faybelle and I got detention

Then they got detention after sleeping in the classroom

EdgarAllanPoe: How did everyone fuck up badly

I.studied.the.blade: If we knew we would have already done it again

**Prison**

**Divorce Has Renamed The Chat: Court**

Divorce: Please rise for Judge Hearts

Offw/yourhead: We are here today, to decide a very important matter

Justine vs. Duchess

Please state your case

cherry: :OOOO

Gossip_Girl: My client is named Justine Dancer

BUT YET SHE MUST BE DANCER 2.0 IN THE CHAT

BECAUSE SOMEONE STOLE THEIR NAME

Divorce: Well, then what do you say to this:

Dancer 2.0 (improved)

THIS IS SLANDER YOUR HONOR 

Slipper: This is getting heated

Offw/yourhead: After hearing both parties...

And because Duchess is pissing me off kicking all that FUCKING DUST UP IN OUR DORM

I rule the defendant guilty as fucking charged

Dancer: IM TAKING THIS TO THE SUPREME COURT

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: WHAT IS THIS MADNESS

WAIT WHAT SUPREME COURT

Mirror mirror: Lesbians what is your wisdom?

cherry: World hard and cold... tiddy soft and warm

I.studied.the.blade: Girl hot

Bootiful: watch naruto

Mirror mirror: THEY HAVE SPOKEN

Dancer: DAMMIT

ROCKNROLL: LOSER HAH

Dancer: You're about to lose ur balls

Stairs: Getting violent down here

Offw/yourhead: ORDER IN THE COURT, ORDER IN THE COURT

Golden Delicious: ...

EdgarAllanPoe: OH STFU APPLE NOT ALL OF US ARE INTERESTED IN WASTING OUR TIME DOING PUZZLES

Golden Delicious: WELL NOT ALL OF US ARE INTERESTED IN YODA SLUT DROPPING!

Bootiful: i luv this

FUCK ITS DAMSEL IN DISTRESSING NEXT

I.studied.the.blade: ;D No more of that shit for me

Daring you're going down

Mirror mirror: OH REALLY

thing 1: Not again

**Court**

EdgarAllanPoe: Has anyone seen Dexter? 

I.studied.the.blade: He was in class?

Mirror mirror: I didn’t see him at lunch.

cherry: Huh, me either

Gossip_Girl: Maybe he was…

TAKEN 

forgottenmiddlechild: I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine. Really.

EdgarAllanPoe: You sure?

forgottenmiddlechild: I said I’m fine.

Geez.


	7. I'm Fine (Read: Lying)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's ok not to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this will be a bit long but:
> 
> First, I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I was at a friend's for 4th of July, and I ate something or other and got sick. I'm getting better and should be able to update on schedule again.
> 
> Second, I accidentally switched Darling and Dexter's roles in the last section (because I'm dumb so..)
> 
> Third, this has mentions of self harm, depression, and suicide. These are very serious issues and if I messed up in any way, please tell me immediately (most of this was taken from personal experiences of my own, my friends, and people online).

**My Twin Never Forgets My BDay!**

Darling little queens: Hey, you ok?

Dexterous little boys: Why is everyone asking me that?

I said I’m fine.

Darling little queens: And then you 

1.Didn’t come to lunch 

2.Opted out of filming Blondie’s show 

3.snapped at Raven

Dexterous little boys: Am I not allowed to take a break?

Darling little queens: A break when you don’t eat? 

Where you snap at people you care about?

Dexterous little boys: Darling, we’re twins

I would tell you everything

I’m fine

Darling little queens: Yeah

**  
**

**  
**

**Im Better Than You**

Sword bitch: He isn’t fine

Handsome ass: Of course not

But did he tell you anything

Sword bitch: No

And we tell each other everything 

Handsome ass: You think he relapsed?

Sword bitch: It seems like a stretch

Handsome ass: He didn’t tell you he was cutting

Didn’t tell anyone

Sword bitch: Can you talk to him?

Handsome ass: Of course

**Gorge**

Big Bro: Hey Dex

**Big Bro Has Sent An Image**

**Big Bro Has Called Lil Bro**

**Big Bro Has Called Lil Bro**

Big Bro: Call me back when you can?

Thanks

  
**Court**

Dancer 2.0 (improved): There are about 40 million kangaroos worldwide and 8 million people in StoryBook, so that means we would each have to fight 5 kangaroos

Idk if we could do it guys

Golden Delicious: We could chuck apples at them?

Animals > People: ?????? APPLE WHY

**Stairs Has Renamed The Chat: KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 

Offw/yourhead: As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck

9lives: If a woodchuck could chuck wood

**Star Wars FanClub**

Ewok: Hey Dex :D

Wookie: Hi

Why are you messaging me?

Ewok: The title says it all 

Wookie: Ok

Btw why do you like ewoks so much?

Ewok: Cause they’re cute

Wookie: Seems a bit shallow

Ewok: You aren’t one of those ewok haters are you?

Wookie: I’m indifferent

Ewok: You usually take opinions on things

It’s fun to debate w/u :3

Wookie: Don’t want to today

I’m tired

Ewok: Did you sleep?

Wookie: I have things to do Raven

Bye

**  
**

**  
**

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

begaydocrime: Anyone wanna do illegal crap with me?

thing 2: Sure :D

thing 1: POPPY NO

begaydocrime: POPPY YES

JOIN ME IN THE BOIS DORMITORY

thing 2: It smells

Begaydocime: JuST Do iT

thing 2: FInE

thing 1: And now I have to run after them in heels… yay…

**Dexter To Holly**

Dexter: Sorry that you had to see that... 

Holly: Do you wanna talk?

Dexter: You’re going to tell them

Then they’ll think I’m weak

Holly: I won’t tell

But you need to talk

Dexter: Have you ever?

Holly: I would run a razor down my arm sometimes

Dexter: How are you open about it?

Holly: I’m not gonna go out of my way to hide that I did

You asked me, I told you

Dexter: Ok

Holly: Are you going to again?

Dexter: I don’t know

Holly: Do you want to kill yourself?

Dexter: No, I’m not planning to 

Holly: Ok

Dexter: Can I be open?

Holly: Yes

Dexter: I hate myself

I’m so weak

I thought I was over it

I was doing so well

Holly: It’s ok

You are not weak

Can I ask why did you cut yourself?

Dexter: Because I’m a failure

I’m a burden to all my friends

I’m not good at any of my classes

My parents don’t like me

I’m losing control

Holly: Why don’t do feel like a burden?

Dexter: Because I’m so annoying

Daring just lets me tag along so his brother isn’t some weirdo

Cupid is just nice in general and is too nice to say no

Raven’s taking pity on me

And Darling just feels like she has to because we're twins 

Holly: If they didn’t like you don’t you think they would be happy you’re leaving them alone?

They’re all worried

Dexter: I’m so pathetic

They deserve better

Holly: You deserve better too

Dexter: I know I do

But the world is total crap

I want a break

You think there’s a world where I’m not a total flop everywhere

Holly: You are not a flop

You are probably the best kid at crownculus

Dexter: That doesn’t count

Holly: Says who?

Dexter: My parents

They’re disappointed in me

They regret letting me transition 

They probably even regret giving birth to me

Holly: I’m sure they don’t

Dexter: No, they’ve told me

Just plain and simple

**Dexter Has Sent An Image**

Holly: Ok, Dex, imma curse

Your parents are mothertrucking dumb poopholes who can’t appreciate their son

Like, the frick, the heck is wrong with them

Dexter: Lmao

Holly: But seriously, I know people say this all the time but...

It’s ok to want to take a break and to be not ok

And I know it’s hard to reach out to others, but please try

Dexter: It helps to hear that again

Holly: Well, can you get some food from the castleteria?

We’ve noticed you haven’t been eating

Dexter: I don’t want to

Holly: Daring and Darling can bring some to your room and you can talk with them

Dexter: They’ll hate me

Holly: I promise they won’t

Darling has put up with Mrs. Her Majesty, the White Queen

Dexter: Is she really that bad?

Holly: Oh yeah

Dexter: Like, Headmaster Grimm bad?

Holly: It’s weird

She’s very pretentious and just…

That kind of person

Dexter: So like my mom

Holly: Mood

Dexter: Lol

Holly: Just a question

You mentioned transitioning

Are you trans?

Dexter: Yes

Sadly, born a girl

Holly: AYYYY

Sadly born a boy

Dexter: AYYY

**Dexter Has Renamed The Chat: The Trans Mission**

**Dexter Has Sent An Image**

Holly: Lmao

So, I texted Darling, she says they’ll be there soon

Take care of yourself

Dexter: Hey, can we send each other trans memes?

Holly: YES MEMES

Frick I sound like Poppy

I’M SUPPOSED TO BE RESPONSIBLE DANG IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOLIDARITY BISHES
> 
> Also just really fuck King and Queen Charming.


	8. Disaster Gays At Their Finest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A food fight and mashed potatoes apparently leads to making out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some ships!
> 
> Gay ships!
> 
> No hetero in sight here!
> 
> Have another longish chapter my lovelies! (Sorry bout the hiatus... again)

**My Twin Never Forgets My BDay!**

Darling little queens: Hai

Dexterous little boys: So... you're just checking in on me everyday now?

I'm not mad I just gotta get with the program

Darling little queens: Well yes, but actually no

I need advice

Dexterous little boys: I am 50% gay spill that tea

Darling little queens: I am 100% flaming homo I win

(But actually you are fucking valid bro)

Dexterous little boys: Aww nu D: (and thank)

Anyways spill

Darling little queens: How do you ask a girl out?

Dexterous little boys: DArLiNg YoU'Ve BEEN DaTiNG FoR 7 MonThS

Darling little queens: I'M A USELESS LESBIAN YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS

But please help 

Dexterous little boys: Just ask her 

Darling little queens: Wow great advice

Dexterous little boys: Well I've been pining after the same girl for a year so-

Darling little queens: We know

It's painful to watch

Also how ya doing?

* tips cowgirl hat *

Dexterous little boys: NO ASTERISKS

WE HAVE ONE RULE IN THIS HOUSE

And I'll be fine once Sparrow SHUTS THE FUCK UP

Darling little queens: Seems like Hunter shares the same sentiment

It was Hunter who just threw yogurt on his guitar?

Dexterous little boys: Yes

And it landed on me

Darling little queens: Oof

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Bootiful: so its madness in the castleteria

begaydocrime: Thx for pointing out the obvious

Slipper: Hunter dearest?

Vegan_Cheerleader: Yes

Offw/yourhead: For your involvement in starting this food fight, she's BREAKING THE FUCK UP WITH YOU

Vegan_Cheerleader: D:

FLIESbi: KITTY PLS STOP THROWING PIE INTO MY EARS

9lives: I REFUSE BITCH

cherry: KITTY

Gossip_Girl: DEXTER GET TF OVER HERE WE'RE FILMING THIS

forgottenmiddlechild: WELL IM T-POSING SO HAH

Gossip_Girl: THEN STOP FUCKING T-POSING BISH

forgottenmiddlechild: I FLIPPING REFUSE

Gossip_Girl: YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT SAYING YOU WOULD BE A CAMERAMAN EVEN IN CASES OF CERTAIN DOOM

Divorce: I'll help you Blondie :3

Gossip_Girl: Thank you Cupid for being faithful

EVEN WHEN MY CAMERAMAN IS NOT

Dancer 2.0 (improved): You can't blame the guy for having priorities

forgottenmiddlechild: Thank you

Finally someone sensible 

**I Got tHE News**

Howtobeaheartbreaker: That was fun

Imablondesoexcuseme: I'm covered in mashed potatoes

Howtobeaheartbreaker: Who eats mashed potatoes at breakfast?

Imablondesoexcuseme: Humphrey?

Howtobeaheartbreaker: He eats omelets

Imablondesoexcuseme: Same thing

Howtobeaheartbreaker: 0.0

Imablondesoexcuseme: Same difference

Howtobeaheartbreaker: Better

Imablondesoexcuseme: Same nothing

Howtobeaheartbreaker: BETTER

Hey I have one!

Imablondesoexcuseme: Kay

Howtobeaheartbreaker: I love you

Imablondesoexcuseme: ReALLy?

Howtobeaheartbreaker: ABANDON FUCKING SHIP

SORRY SORRY SORRY

I'M WIERD

Imablondesoexcuseme: IM SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT

I LIKE YOU TOO

OH SHIT THAT WAS PROBABLY MADE FOR SOMEONE ELSE 

BYE SORRY

Howtobeaheartbreaker: WAIT BLONDIE PLEASE DON'T GO

Imablondesoexcuseme: WE'RE TEXTING HOW CAN I RUN AWAY

Howtobeaheartbreaker: (ANYWAYS)

Same thing: Bad

Same difference: Ok

Same nothing: Better

I like you too: BEST

Imablondesoexcuseme: So you like me? Romantically?

Howtobeaheartbreaker: Yes

Do you like me, and not just as gal pals?

Imablondesoexcuseme: Yes.

Howtobeaheartbreaker: Ok.

So, what now?

Imablondesoexcuseme: HOW TF SHOULD I KNOW

But uh.. do we date?

Howtobeaheartbreaker: I don't want things to change

I'm not sure I'm ready for that

Imablondesoexcuseme: We don't have to change

We can still be total disasters and fuck up our show

Howtobeaheartbreaker: Does our show count as a date then?

Cause a date is a rendezvous between 2 ppl who like each other

Imablondesoexcuseme: Damn deep philisophy

I'm far to strung up on adrenaline to answer that right now

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Stop F*cking Lying: BLONDIE AND CUPID STOP MAKING OUT

begaydocrime: FINALLY

Wait, who made the first move?

Gossip_Girl: Cupid

begaydocrime: DAMMIT

Bootiful: PAY UP BISH

Divorce: YOU WERE BETTING ON US

Dancer 2.0 (improved): Yes, wtf do you think

ramen: That we're good people?

Dancer 2.0 (improved): Ew

St*p Fucking Lying: Aww finishing each others sentences!

That's so cute!

forgottenmiddlechild: The only functioning couple

Mirror mirror: Darling and Apple?

Carrot: Ashlynn and Hunter?

Vegan_Cheerleader: Nope

She broke up with me

I'll get her flowers and present her with a picnic to win her back tomorrow

Slipper: You better

Golden Delicious: I love how Daring doesn't argue his relationship with Rosabella isn't functional.

Animals > People: Of course it's not

He's a f*rry

Bootiful: hippokrit

Animals > People: Cuz please stop

forgottenmiddlechild: and Apple and Darling are not functional

I.studied.the.blade: Dexter I have a large collections of swords in my room

Golden Delicious: Babe, please, no...

**forgottenmiddlechild Has Sent An Image**

ramen: In all fairness she's a lesbian so-

I.studied.the.blade: Thank you Ramona

EdgarAllanPoe: Well Apple just left so they're gonna make out-

cherry: Damn the lesbianism is spreading

If only I had a gf :C

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAVE SOME CLONDIE FOR FREE!


	9. Truth Or Dare: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang plays truth or dare.

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Bootiful: i wanna do something scandalous

Golden Delicious: Wow, she spelled scandalous correctly...

It is truly a cause for celebration!

Bootiful: fuck u

but do u wanna play truth or dare?

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: YES

Carrot: Ok great all the wonderlandians are coming

Golden Delicious: I need to get away from Raven's angsty music.

EdgarAllanPoe: Bold of you assume I wont play it there

Wait where are we meeting

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: I WANNA PLAY NIGHT CORE

EdgarAllanPoe: NUUUUU

Carrot: Night core angsty music?

EdgarAllanPoe: Fine

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: YAY

Gossip_Girl: Can't we just meet in the common?

Bootiful: nu we need a closet

Divorce: YAY THE CLOSET

I TOTALLY FUCKING MISSED ALL THAT SELF-HATRED AND DENIAL

Gossip_Girl: Babe want a hug?

Divorce: Yes pls :'3

begaydocrime: Good fucking job Briar

Bootiful: but truth or dare always leads to 7 min in heaven

ramen: true

cherry: How tf do you know that?

ramen: so you know when justine and i went on "dates" every thursday?

cherry: NOPE

Golden Delicious: Just to come to Raven's and I's room.

She's not going to stop playing that terrible music anyways.

Slipper: Wait who gets the beds?

EdgarAllanPoe: Sorry, but my babies need rest UwU

Slipper: Babies?

EdgarAllanPoe: My cutouts of Yoda and Mariam Williamson slut-dropping :D

Animals > People: You can feel Apple facepalm from here

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Bootiful: OMFG

YASSS

thing 1: And I'm officially glad I didn't join

Animals > People: Is anyone dead yet?

Dancer: Imma chop off Hunter's little friend soon

Slipper: NOT PESKY

Dancer: Oh you innocent child

Animals > People: Srsly what's going on?

I.studied.the.blade: Dexter just slut dropped, someone gave Maddie caffeine, Lizzie is somehow on drugs, and

Justine, Cedar, Ashlynn, Hopper, Hunter, and Duchess started a game of strip poker

thing 2: I wish I wasn't sick, I wanna join...

thing 1: You aren't sick??

thing 2: Sick of Duchess

Dancer: Feeling's mutual

Slipper: Keep it up babe

Animals > People: ????

Stop F*cking Lying: Hunter's stripping

9lives: Well we already knew Ashlynn was secretly thirsty af

cherry: Oh for fuck's sakes kitty

EdgarAllanPoe: Dexter can you do it again?

I need a picture for another cutout

forgottenmiddlechild: Raven I love you but no way

EdgarAllanPoe: You love me?

forgottenmiddlechild: As a friend, y'know?

I.studied.the.blade: You still manage to sound awkward on a FUCKING GROUPCHAT

Dancer 2.0 (improved): You don't give them a break do you?

I.studied.the.blade: My brothers are fucking strange beings

forgottenmiddlechild: This sucks

Cause on one hand you're a meanie

On the other hand you properly gendered me which seems too hard for even my own fucking parents to do :')

EdgarAllanPoe: (you good bruh?)

forgottenmiddlechild: (yes bruh)

Bootiful: APPLE COME OUT ALREADY

Golden Delicious: I'm gay.

ramen: No I am

Gossip_Girl: NO I AM

cherry: NO IM GAY

I.studied.the.blade: NO IM GAY

Animals > People: What's going on cuz?

Bootiful: SHES NOT COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM

Golden Delcious: I'M SORRY THAT I NEED MOUTHWASH AFTER YOU MADE ME KISS A BOY!

Bootiful: HOW MUCH FUCKING MOUTH WASH ARE YOU USING

Golden Delicious: A FUCKING LOT BECAUSE THAT WAS DISGUSTING!

Bootiful: YOU PECKED DARING ON THE LIPS AND THEN RAN OUT OF THE FUCKING ROOM

Dancer 2.0 (improved): Oh thank god Apple followed typical lesbian protocol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I think I'm funny.


	10. Truth or Dare: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You thought that was the end of the chaos? Oh please!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of sexual? Probably shouldn't read this if you hate hate hate that kind of stuff.

**KANGAROO INVASION BISHES**

Slipper: TAKE THEM OFF

FLIESbi: Come on

Rules bruh

Vegan_Cheerleader: But Duchess will cut my .... off

Slipper: Well we can't afford to lose that

Dancer 2.0 (improved): NOPE NOPE NOPE

**KANGAROO INVASION BISHES**

Offw/yourhead: TOOT TOOT BITCH

LIL BITCH

LIL WHINY BITCH

LIL DUMB WHINY BITCH

Carrot: Lizzie put the phone down...

Offw/yourhead: OF WITJ UR GEAD MOTHRFUKR

**KANGAROO** **INVASION BISHES**

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: OB LA DI, OB LA DA LIFE DOESN'T GO ON CAUSE DESMOND KILLED MOLLY FOR HER MONEY

thing 2 **:** finally a relatable femaleprotagonist

**KANGAROO INVASION BISHES**

Slipper: Briar was right

thing 1: Meaning?

EdgarAllanPoe: We're now playing 7 minutes in heaven

thing 1: I demand tea

EdgarAllanPoe: Well Apple and Darling just went in 

Mirror mirror: And I've never been more anxious in my life

Animals > People: Awww why?

Mirror mirror: She's my baby sister

I.studied.the.blade: Oh fuck you, you're not even a year older than me 

Mirror mirror: STILL MY BABY SISTER

I.studied.the.blade: Imma respond to that later

Mirror mirror: APPLE 

Golden Delicious: Don't worry.

She's just trying to do a handstand.

Mirror mirror: I'm sorry what?

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

cherry: She fell?

Golden Delicious: She fell.

**My Dearest**

DarlingDearest: Fucking superb you funky little lesbian

AppleDearest: Stop texting and kiss me.

DarlingDearest: So bossy..

**KANGAROO INVASION BISHES**

Golden Delicious: DARLING STOP DOING HANDSTANDS!

cherry: She keeps falling?

Golden Delicious: Yes and I'm worried. D:

**Roomies**

Bi Witch: Really? She kept doing handstands?

Gay Princess: The trick is to do something so ridiculous that you disaster gays believe it.

Bi Witch: I did buy it until I realize Darling never wears red lipstick

Gay Princess: ;)

**My Dearest**

AppleDearest: Ok, handstand is now officially code for making out.

DarlingDearest: Damn straight it is

AppleDearest D:

DarlingDearest: Damn gay*

No hetero in this house

AppleDearest: :D

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Stop F*cking Lying: Oh god Kitty and Cerise just went in there

Stairs: I pray for their gay souls

Stop F*cking Lying: Really wondering about what you're implying

**Kitty To Cerise**

Kitty: I don't care if you're planning on killing me or whatever

But can I just say I'm so so fucking sorry

I'm a dumb and terrible person

It could have ruined your family's life, your life

No one deserves that

Especially not because I decided I wanted to play an idiotic prank

So I'm really really sorry

I wanted to tell you earlier but I didn't want to make things worse

Cerise: I can tell you're sorry, i just wanted to hear it

It's fine now

I mean it's not fine, it was a really dickish thing to do, but we're fine

Kitty: Damn gay we are

Cerise: Are you flirting with me?

Kitty: Do you want me to?

Cerise: Haha

Hilarious

Kitty: I know I am ;)

But, can we meet up?

To talk?

Cerise: Uh...

Kitty: I promise: no pranks

On behalf of all of wonderland

Cerise: Damn wonderland's gonna get fucked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just found my old Mario Kart stuff, so.. uh.. I wanna write a chapter based on that?
> 
> What do you guys think? Good idea, bad idea?


	11. Gaymers: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven finds her old gaming equipment.
> 
> They hatch a plan that is so great no plan has ever matched this plan before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SPELLED RAVEN'S USERNAME INCORRECTLY ALL THIS TIME SO I HAD TO GO AND REVIEW 10 FREAKING CHAPTERS AND CHANGE Allen TO Allan, SO THAT WAS FUN.
> 
> Anyways have some Mario Kart.

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

EdgarAllanPoe: Everyone's sleeping/cuddling

thing 2: Wait together?

EdgarAllanPoe: What do you expect us to do?

Split the girls and the boys up?

I.studied.the.blade: Honestly pairing each girl with a boy would be more effective

Golden Delicious: What about hygiene?

Stairs: What hygiene?

Carrot: ...

Stairs: OH

EdgarAllanPoe: Anyways can someone wake everyone up?

begaydocrime: Sure :D

I.studied.the.blade: FAYBELLE NO

Welp she did it

begaydocrime: What?

I just screamed "wake up you gay thots" and broke the window with Cupid's arrows

Divorce: Well someone's gonna be in love

Whatever I still have some of those sexy pollin bitches

Slipper: Did you just refer to mood roses as sexy pollin bitches?

Divorce: Bish you bet I fucking did

EdgarAllanPoe: LISTEN TO ME YOU GUYS

Mirror mirror: Gays*

I.studied.the.blade: For once you did something good in your life

Mirror mirror: Not sure what you meant but I need positivity so fucking thanks

I.studied.the.blade: Not a fucking compliment but ok

EdgarAllanPoe: OK I FOUND MY OLD MARIO KART STUFF

Golden Delicious: You used to play Mario Kart?

EdgarAllanPoe: I'm a goth girl who likes Star Wars, you assumed I didn't?

Golden Delicious: Fair point.

cherry: Are you proposing a tournament?

EdgarAllanPoe: YOU BET I FUCKING AM

forgottenmiddlechild: YAS QUEEN

EdgarAllanPoe: :DDD

thing 2: IM JOINING YALL

thing 1: Meaning I'm not :D

ROCKNROLL: sure but apple is legally required to be peach

Dancer: So many people doing something good for once in their life today

ROCKNROLL: YOU SHOULD LOVE ME

Fine Poppy?

thing 2: SYKE

Animals > People: Ok but I have a broken leg

Golden Delicious: We can do a voice chat? 

thing 1: Yeah sure I'm ready 

My last neurons wanted to go out with a bang

9lives: BANGING BANG BANG

thing 1: BAD CHOICE OF FREAKING WORDS

But yes Apple, a voice chat is a great idea

**Golden Delicious Has Started A Voice Chat**

**Golden Delicious Has Enabled Voice Recognition**

**Kitty To Cerise**

Kitty: Hey, can you teach me how to play?

I never have

Cerise: Really?

Kitty: Yeah, please don't tell

Cerise: I won't

You just press 2 to go

That plus thing to shoot and use things that you get from the silvery boxes

And always throw green turtle shells behind you unless you have a really good shot

Kitty: And you turn the wheel to go around the race

Cerise: Yeah pretty much

Kitty: Thx :D

**TAkE ME tO WOndERlaND**

There's more than one rabbit hole: You texting Cerise mate?

Invisible Kit Kat Bitch: Shut up? For the love of all things fucking holy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why tf do I have a thing for shipping characters that probably hate each other in cannon?


	12. Gaymers: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The students of Ever After High play Mario Kart. It doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised them actually playing it last chapter but it got a little long so..
> 
> Also I know that a voice chat probably wouldn't have voice recognition but I gotta make it understandable
> 
> Warning: Thirsty, gay teenagers and chaos up ahead

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

**Voice Chat Has Started**

EdgarAllanPoe: So how does this work?

Do we just talk?

Golden Delicious: Yes.

Can everyone hear us?

thing 1: Yep.

Animals > People: Yes.

forgottenmiddlechild: Wait so how do we do this?

We only have four remotes.

ramen: Four play at a time and winner goes on 

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: Like a whole prix?

EdgarAllanPoe: Sure.

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: OK IM PICKING MUSIC.

Dancer 2.0 (improved): This will be fun. 

And I mean that with all the sarcasm and sincerity in the world.

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

EdgarAllenPoe: Turtle cup.

Damn this is my specialty

Watch out motherfuckers

cherry: Why is there no poop?

FLIESbi: I'm sorry what?

cherry: YOU EVER BEEN NEAR COWS THERE'S ALWAYS A BUNCH OF MOTHERFUCKING SHIT.

Gossip_Girl: BREAKING NEWS.

SHIT CAN NOW FUCK THEIR MOTHERS IN A LANDSLIDE DECISION BY THE SUPREME COURT.

Divorce: Also news, the gays still can't get married!

forgottenmiddlechild: HAH I'M WINNING. YES YES YES.

Welp.

EdgarAllanPoe: Shrooms make me go fast.

And yes the best part of that sentence is that my dad has no idea what the joke is.

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Golden Delicious: Darling I'm so so sorry.

I.studied.the.blade: Babe please no.

Golden Delicious: I'm sorry I have to.

thing 2: Puts down plus 4 uno card.

I.studied.the.blade: SHE FUCKING RED SHELLED ME.

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

ROCKNROLL: I want those big music notes to dominate me.

Animals > People: Why? Why, good lord, why?

thing 2: Hear that Duchess?

He's saying we don't do a good job.

thing 1: And now I know why Poppy was looking at threesomes.

Mirror miror: Sparrow's a bottom?

Ramen: Really? That's your question?

Vegan_Cheerleader: Was there any doubt he wasn't?

Dancer 2.0 (improved): Yeah, dancers are naturally tops.

ramen: Keep telling yourself that babe.

ROCKNROLL: YES DADDY CRUSH ME.

Dancer: God you're so needy.

Stop F*cking Lying: Focus on the game Cedar.

Just ignore it.

EdgarAllanPoe: Oh you innocent child.

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Stairs: Petition to make it illegal to get a coin when you already have 10.

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: YES.

Offw/yourhead: WHY DOESN'T THE BOOMERANG BEHEAD PEOPLE.

Carrot: Lizzie!

It's a kids' game!

Offw/yourhead: I DON'T CARE.

THE BOOMERANG SHOULD SLICE THEM AND LET THEM ORGANS SPILL ON THE COURSE.

IT WOULD MAKE IT TEN TIMES AS INTERESTING.

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Bootiful: Imma do what's called a pro gamer move.

Slipper: BRIAR WHY ARE YOU TURNING AROUND.

Bootiful: FUCK YOU LACTOSE INTOLERANCE.

I CROSSED THAT FINISH LINE.

EdgarAllanPoe: Lactose intolerance?

YOU MEAN LAKITU?

Bootiful: YEAH WHATEVER HIS NAME IS.

MY FLIGHT'S THE OTHER WAY. 

begaydocrime: Good for Lakitu.

HELP HELP HELP.

Slipper: SOMEONE HELP ME GET BRIAR OFF OF FAYBELLE.

Gossip_Girl: DEXTER GET THE CAMERA.

Animals > People: OH MY GOD I'M COMING.

thing 2: Bring popcorn.

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Divorce: We approach the finals, the Lightning cup.

Consisting of Dexter, Cedar, Maddie, and Ramona.

No one from round 3 made it because one contestant punched another and that was it at that point.

begaydocrime: FUCK YOU BRIAR.

Gossip_Girl: The main race will be Rainbow Road, as we are gays and cannot resist anything that is rainbow.

thing 2: Thanks for the popcorn Rosabella.

Animals > People: No problem

**Voice Chat Has Ended**

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

Gossip_Girl: Congrats to Maddie who won by shouting Melanie Martinez into her competition's ears

She is now officially the Queen of Mario Kart

Divorce: And congrats to Cedar

She is now officially the only sane person left!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait, I got distracted while looking at the options :3333
> 
> And for those of you wondering, yes I did turn around and try to cross the finish line to prove a point to my dad.


	13. The Handstands Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day at Ever After High passes with minimal threats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could say this isn't purely self-indulgent fluff, but I would be lying
> 
> I mean, I also wanna do some things and I need them to not be totally unfounded... but..

**Kitty To Cerise**

****Cerise Has Changed Their Name To cerise** **

cerise: That was fun

You did pretty good

Kitty: 9th is good?

Damn you have low standards.

cerise: I mean, for your first time, it’s pretty impressive

I got 12th

And got lapped

Kitty: Really?

I wanna see baby Cerise failing at Mario Kart

cerise: I take back what I said

9th is terrible

Kitty: Better than 12th ;)

**Household appliances**

dishwashthatshit: Why am I even talking to her so much

Hex I feel stupid

hotlikeanoven: do you also really like being around her and get butterflies in your stomach?

dishwashthatshit: Kind of? 

Why?

hotlikeanoven: yeah… imma let you figure this one out on your own

dishwashthatshit: WAIT WHAT IS IT

RAMONA

**KANGAROO INVASION BISH**

**Divorce Has Renamed The Chat: Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Slipper: WHY JUST WHY

Divorce: Ok, so y’know when Faybelle shot that arrow? 

It hit Headmaster Grimm

And he was looking at his big toe when it hit him...

So y’know.. take it from there

EdgarAllanPoe: Oh hell

Begaydocrime: And what about the “daddy” part?

Divorce: Well that’s just obvious

Bootiful: im sorry but who tf just looks at there toe

Golden Delicious: their*

Bootiful: i beat up faybelle, u really wanna go?

Golden Delicious: Yes.

I have my sulfuric acid ready.

I.studied.the.blade: You are not leaving this to go fight with Briar

Are you?

Golden Delicious: Of course not.

I have priorities.

Mirror mirror: Ignoring that…

cherry: Fucking sparrow has better kinks than that

Dancer: I can confirm

Carrot: Guys stop kinkshaming

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: What if kinkshaming is my kink?

Carrot: Then, then, dearest Madeline, there is some gray area

Stairs: What if kinkshaming is my kink?

Carrot: Then you’re out of luck because my kinks include cotton candy and rainbows

Gossip_girl: Les bi honest, every queer in town has a kink for rainbows

**My Dearest**

AppleDearest: Hey babe?

DarlingDearest: Yes sugar?

AppleDearest: Can you come and help me with my student council posters?

Maybe we can do some handstands while we’re at it?

DarlingDearest: Sure :D

You look cute in that sweatshirt btw

AppleDearest: Oh thanks.

I just didn’t like how any of my tops looked…

DarlingDearest: U still look cute

Not going to correct my grammar?

AppleDearest: I admit I have favorites :D

**Activism**

Feminist: Hey Rosabella?

Save The Beez: Yes?

Feminist: Please remember that it is my fucking dorm to and I don't appreciate seeing my brother naked

Can you please lock the door?

Thank you I'm traumatized

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my story and I can do what I want


	14. Sex Ed: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ, WARNING:  
> Meantions of swords and sex (discussed heavily in this chapter). 
> 
> I really, really, really hope I did this right. This is a very serious issue and if I made any mistake, please tell me right away.

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

I.studied.the.blade: SWORDS

Animals > People: Please help she’s swinging a sword around in our dorm D,:

forgottenmiddlechild: DARLING

OMG

I.studied.the.blade: ~~~~~~~[]=¤ԅ໒( ☯ ᗜ ☯✿ )७ᕗ

Golden Delicious: You have to admit her love of swords is adorable.

I.studied.the.blade: ∩༼˵☯‿☯˵༽つ¤=[]:::::>

Animals > People: ITS NOT CUTE WHEN SHE’S ABOUT TO BEHEAD YOU

Mirror mirror: Darling legit turns into a toddler when she’s around swords

You should see her in class

She’s so giddy

I.studied.the.blade: F u

You’re just salty :’CCC

Animals > People: Pls someone get me out of here 

Ok I snuck into her armor 

But someone pls get me out

thing 1: Kay Rosabella 

I can come get you

Animals > People: THANK YOU HOLLY

SOMEONE IS HELPING UNLIKE MY BOYFRIEND

Mirror mirror: Rosa I wanna help you but I cannot go there

forgottenmiddlechild: That’s true

thing 1: Wait why?

Animals > People: Daring she forgave me

You’re fine

Mirror mirror: ITS DIFFERENT

YOUR HER FRIEND, IM HER BROTHER

I.studied.the.blade: I’m right here y’know

EdgarAllanPoe: TF HAPPENED

Bootiful: cuz said darling was swingin a sword around, whats not clear?

Begaydocrime: She meant what happened between Daring, Rosabella and Darling

Bootiful: ooooooooh

Begaydocrime: Dumbass

thing 1: HOLLY SHIT DARLING

thing 2: Holly shit?

thing 1: autocorrect

9lives: From now on we may only say: “holly shit”

FLIESbi: Coolio

Bootiful: coolio? rlly hopper, r u a tween frat boi?

FLIESbi: DDDD:

Golden Delicious: Wait, babe, what happened? 

EdgarAllenPoe: Yeah im curious

I.studied.the.blade: Nothing, we just got involved in a fucking awkward situation 

**DRAGONS :O**

(Imholdingoutfora)Herowing: Raven pls help

Never(gettingbacktogether)more: Sure what’s up?

(Imholdingoutfora)Hero: I don’t wanna have sex with Apple

Never(gettingbacktogether)more: Ok so?

It’s perfectly fine not to want to have sex

(Imholdingoutfora)Herowing: But I love her

And I have sexual thoughts

I should want to

Never(gettingbacktogether)more: Darling, there is a huge difference between masturbating 

Thinking about sex

And actually having sex with another person

(Imholdingoutfora)Herowing: But everyone seems so comfortable with it

It feels like everyone besides me has had sex and I’m being left behind

Never(gettingbacktogether)more: Darling, we are never going to leave you behind

Especially just because you aren’t ready for something really serious (which is perfectly fine)

(Imholdingoutfora)Herowing: Thank you

I needed to hear that from a friend

Never(gettingbacktogether)more: I think you should talk to Apple

Communication is important

(Imholdingoutfora)Herowing: Yearh

Never(gettingbacktogether)more: YEARH LMFAO

(Imholdingoutfora)Herowing: Stfu

**My Dearest:**

DarlingDearest: Apple

AppleDearest: Yes?

DarlingDearest: I need to tell you something

I’m not comfortable having sex with you yet

Or having sex in general

I’m sorry.

AppleDearest: There is absolutely nothing to be sorry about.

Please tell me if you feel like I’m pressuring you.

DarlingDearest: Are you sure?

I totally understand if you’re mad.

It’s perfectly normal to expect sex from your partner.

AppleDearest: It’s perfectly normal to WANT sex from your partner.

Just like it’s normal to NOT WANT sex from your partner.

I love you for you.

I love you because you courageous, kind, smart, chivalrous, beautiful...

I love you because you make me a better person.

I hope I do the same for you.

Sex isn’t necessary, and if we ever do have sex, I want it to be because we are both ready.

DarlingDearest: I love you.

AppleDearest: Are you still ok with cuddling and making out?

DarlingDearest: How dare you assume I’m not coming to cuddle you to death

(And yes, everything we have done together so far I’m fine with)

(You?)

AppleDearest: (Yes, I’m fine with everything.)

I have fluffy blankets :33

Darling Dearest: Yay!

Also...Can I bring my sword? 

╰༼.◕ヮ◕.༽つ¤=[]———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ  
> I wanted to write this chapter because:
> 
> 1\. It is perfectly fine to want and have (consensual) sex. People shouldn’t judge you for it.  
> 2\. It is also perfectly fine to not have or want sex.
> 
> Some teens feel pressured into sex, others are shamed, and I just wanted to say: ITS ONLY THEIR AND THE BUISNESS OF THEIR FUCKING PARTNER. 
> 
> *This is by no means a simple topic. I just want to bring some attention to this topic. Again, if there is any way I can improve this, or if I messed something up, please tell me right away.


	15. Happy Moon Landing!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Moon Landing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK So I stole my dad's computer so I can update again! It will take longer seeing as it is a total piece of crap with slow internet.

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Golden Delicious: Happy Moon Landing everyone!

Bootiful: apple u such a tiny nerd

Golden Delicious: I am not tiny!!

EdgarAllanPoe: You're tiny af

Like you're up to our shoulders

Golden Delicious: Whatever.

Just have fun remembering that...

there was no way to know if Armstrong and Aldrin would make it back on the rocket from the moon and they might have died there.

Stop F*cking Lying: I used to like space. :C

Golden Delicious: I'm so sorry Cedar, that was not meant for you.

Remember they made it back and advanced science :D

EdgarAllanPoe: Yay!

Golden Delicious: No, not for you meanie :C.

EdgarAllanPoe: F off

Golden Delicious: Wanna fucking go?

EdgarAllanPoe: YES BISH

I.studied.the.blade: Did something happen?

Golden Delicious: I threw away her cutouts.

EdgarAllanPoe: SO YOU ADMIT IT

Also joke's on you cause I already ordered another one SO HAH

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

I.studied.the.blade: Quick fucking reminder that you can be femme and still WEAR HEAVY PLATE ARMOR and WIELD A LARGE BROADSWORD*

Ok I'm more of a soft butch BUT STILL

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Dancer: Whoever thinks Mozart is better than Beethoven is a moron

Dancer 2.0 (improved): BISH

Dancer: BISH

Dancer 2.0 (improved): MOZART

Dancer: BEETHOVEN

thing 2: Damn shit's going down

ramen: yep.

Dancer 2.0 (improved): MOZART

Dancer: BEETHOVEN

Golden Delicious: Carl Sagan..

Bootiful: AGAIN U A NERD

begaydocrime: Better than an edgy peep like you

Bootiful: I'm not edgy

Slipper: Uh...

begaydocrime: Edgy peeps need to stawp

And for the record I'm not edgy, I'm just murderous UWU

cherry: O.O

EdgarAllanPoe: :c

Sticks and stones may break my bones but I'm an emo bitch and refuse to show my emotions

begaydocrime: See what I mean?

thing 2: Hey guys, can we be serious for a sec?

Like for the girls, do you ever feel uncomfortable being called a girl or a woman?

cherry: Can't relate.

EdgarAllanPoe: No?

Slipper: No, sorry

I.studied.the.blade: Yeah, I got nothing.

Golden Delicious: Yes, it can be uncomfortable...

But I'm probably just uncomfortable with the negative stereotypes about girls.

thing 2: Probs same, that's probably it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *taken from @theultimatedoom on tumblr
> 
> (who am I kidding this entire fic was stolen from tumblr)


	16. My Cousin Vinny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New types of medicine and lawsuits emerge!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maddie: hI mY PeEPs  
> The narrator got fed up with their computer so they stole another!  
> Just like how I stole that table!  
> Anyways, they're sorry for the hiatus!!

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

EdgarAllanPoe: DID ANYONE KNOW THAT THE BOTTOM OF CAPRISUN IS SEE-THROUGH

cherry: WAIT WHAT

Bootiful: nu way

Golden Delicious: This is a scientific breakthrough.

9lives: Wait 

Why were you drinking capri sun?

I.studied.the.blade: Raven, that is the drink of the straights

Stop F*cking Lying: D:

EdgarAllanPoe: Forgive me father for I have sinned

Divorce: sorry daddy i’ve been naughty :3

Begaydocrime: Oh god

Divorce: WHAT HUH?

Gossip_Girl: (Babe I love you)

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: I can give her tea

Offw/yourhead: SPILL THAT BOILING TEA

thing 1: YES MADDIE

thing 2: Or better yet, iced coffee?

ramen: load raven up with the drinks of the gays.

Dancer 2.0 (improved): We must cure her of the straights

Stairs: I feel like this chat is Headmaster Grimm’s worst fear

Carrot: You feel?

Bish it is.

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Mirror mirror: Ok so my cousin Vinny

cherry: I'm sorry??? You have a cousin named Vinny??

I.studied.the.blade: Yesh

Cousin Vivacious

forgottenmiddlechild: Technically she's a second cousin

She flipped off everyone at the Charming Ball 

I.studied.the.blade: I'm a fan :D

Mirror mirror: ANYWAYS

She's coming to Book End

Wow apparently I'm irrelevant

Animals > People: No you're not! ♡

Mirror mirror: Thank u you Rosa ♡

Dancer: Fuck I'm sick

Affection is disgusting

NVM

Stop F*cking Lying: Poppy and Sparrow just kissed her on the cheeks

Dancer: Now you're just doing it to be annoying

Stop F*cking Lying: ;)

**TAkE ME tO WOndERlaND**

Glass Looking The Through Alice: Do you girls wanna see a butterfly?

There's more than one rabbit hole: Sure 

HATTER THAN A MADDER: YES

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

ramen: why did alistair just throw butter?

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: CAUSE IT'S A BUTTERFLY

ramen: ...

9lives: Look on the bright side!

It hit Headmaster Grimm in the face :D

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Gossip_Girl: Hey, Daring?

Mirror mirror: You request my glorious presence?

I.studied.the.blade: I wouldn't go so far as glorious...

Mirror mirror: D:

Anyways what is it Blondie?

Gossip_Girl: So... you have a cousin named Vinny..

And I request legal help...

Mirror mirror: Oh no!

I'll call her for help

What exactly do you need?

Gossip_Girl: I beat a bitch up

cherry: How does this shit happen?? Huh?? Pls explain??

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: AMERICa ExPLAIN

cherry: NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could do an Area 51 chapter but I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SEPTEMBER 21
> 
> Ugh I have to go and change this back after September 21. :C


	17. Off to Get Mauled by Some Bears: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The students of Ever After High get to go on a field-trip! It's chaotic af!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this on a phone:
> 
> TURN IT SIDEWAYS OR THE FORMAT IS CRAP
> 
> This has been a psa.

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Stop F*cking Lying: I'm so excited!!!

ramen: yay.

cherry: I am loving the enthusiasm ramona.

ramen: you can go fuck yourself cerise.

Bootiful: i here theM has a zipline

Golden Delicious: ...

Murder me and spread my ashes in the place where we met.

Dancer: Gladly

EdgarAllanPoe: THAT'S THE PERFECT LYRIC FOR MY SONG THANK YOU APPLE

Golden Delicious: O.O

Slipper: O.O

forgottenmiddlechild: O.O

Stop F*cking Lying: But aren't you excited? 

This field trip is going to be awesome!

Vegan_Cheerleader: Yay nature!

begaydocrime: Ok now there's no doubt he's a vegan cheerleader

I.studied.the.blade: Wait, does anyone have the sleeping arrangements?

Offw/yourhead: Yes.

All the boys are together and for the girls it goes as:

Apple, Darling, Raven, Bunny, Kitty, Cerise, Ashlynn, Maddie, Briar, and Faybelle

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: YAY

Carrot: Oh fucking hell someone's gonna die

Cerise control Kitty

cherry: Why me???

Carrot: Uh...

9lives: She's just being dumb, don't worry

cherry: Ok... 

begaydocrime: Briar die

Bootiful: F oof

Offw/yourhead: LET ME FINISH OR IT'S OFF WITH YOUR HEADS

thing 1: 0.0

Offw/yourhead: Thank you.

Then Holly, Poppy, Blondie, me, Cupid, Ramona, Cedar, Justine, Rosabella, and Duchess

Carrot: Again, someone is going to fucking die

EdgarAllanPoe: OK BITCHES LISTEN UP

Golden Delicous: Oh hex...

EdgarAllanPoe: GROUND RULES:

1\. Make out in the bathroom

And

2\. Keep it in your pants people, it's only for a fucking week

forgottenmiddlechild: this really is the standard, huh?

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

EdgarAllanPoe: I'm making a playlist for the ride, any suggestions?

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: NIGHTCORE

cherry: MADDIE NO-

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Slipper: I'm almost done packing, y'all?

I.studied.the.blade: Yep! Daring was nice enough to carry my bag if I carry his.

Mirror mirror: TF IS IN THESE BAGS? ARMOR?

I.studied.the.blade: ...

Mirror mirror: Fucking hell sis

I.studied.the.blade: In my defense you really should have known

Divorce: I feel like everyone's personality can be summed up by what's in their bags

forgottenmiddlechild: I don't believe that

Divorce: Ok fine OPEN UP YOUR BAGS BITCHES

WHAT'S IN THEM

Mirror mirror: Mirrors

I.studied.the.blade: Swords

cherry: Athletic gear

ramen: Leather jackets

9lives: Whoopee cushions

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: Tea sets and tea bags

Bootiful: Neck cushions and confetti canons

Stairs: Riddle books

Dancer 2.0 (improved): Ballet shoes

Golden Delicious: Textbooks

ROCKNROLL: My guitar

EdgarAllanPoe: Same bruh

ROCKNROLL: Yay!

Music buddies?

EdgarAllanPoe: No.

Gossip_Girl: That rejection oof

Divorce: See, told ya

Now puke up the 5 bucks or I'm coming for your thumbs

forgottenmiddlechild: WE NEVER AGREED TO A BET

Divorce: 5 DOLLARS OR IM COMING FOR YOUR THUMBS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this will be at least a three part story, so expect those to come out (not) soon!


	18. Off to Get Mauled by Some Bears: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I cannot express the monstrosity I have created in words anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovelies, I am so so sorry I haven't updated! My sincerest apologies
> 
> I went through a whole mental health thing... and then I switched schools... It was just a really rough time. It still is, but I finally have the motivation to write. 
> 
> In other news, my new school actually has an english class! You won't have to suffer through my intolerable grammar errors anymore!

**TAkE ME tO WOndERlaND**

Invisible Kit Kat Bitch: Are you trying to kill me Bunny?

There's more than one rabbit hole: Ok, first off, I'm genuinely sorry, it was a mistake

SECOND LETTING HER KNOW HOW YOU FEEL IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD

Invisible Kit Kat Bitch: yES it is

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

ROCKNROLL: Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Dancer: Bitch we’ve been on the road for less than 10 minutes

**Apple To Poppy**

Apple: Can you help me with something?

Poppy: Help you with what?

Apple: Hair.

Poppy: Move

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

**Golden Delicious Has Sent An Image**

Golden Delicious: Big thanks to Poppy.

cherry: Darling ur hair is lit

thing 1: Darling has the best hair

Well… besides mine

begaydocrime: Vain much?

thing 1: My hair is perfection and we all know it

**Justine To Raven**

Justine: You don't have the Macarena downloaded by any chance

Do you?

Raven: Friend I like the way you think

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

begaydocrime: Are you happy?

Are you satisfied?

That damn song is now stuck in my head

Dancer 2.0 (improved): I'm extremely satisfied :)

begaydocrime: Ramona I'm bout to kill your girlfriend

Dancer 2.0 (improved): I feel mildly threatened

Golden Delicious: Mildly???

ramen: fight me fay.

Dancer 2.0 (improved): owo Big strong gorlfriend here to protect me and my UWUs 

ramen: ....

Dancer 2.0 (improved): Yeah I agree that sounded way too wrong

Even for this chat

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Divorce: *drops hydroflask*

forgottenmiddlechild: WE HAVE ONE RULE HERE

NO ASTERISKS

Divorce: And I oop-!

SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSK

forgottenmiddlechild: AND NOW YOU MANAGE TO BREAK THE OTHER RULE

Divorce: Sksksksksk

omg, you use plastic straws?

here! borrow my scrunchie!

EdgarAllanPoe: Cupid I will hex you

Divorce: Ok but in all reality, Ashlynn's a VSCO girl

Slipper: Well I'm also a satanist so I think that disqualifies me

ramen: since when?

**Swiper No Swiping!**

Following The Map!: Hey Bunny

Why is half the bus beating Cupid and the other half is staring at Ashlynn in shock

Boots: read the group texts

Following The Map!: I CANT IM SHITTING

Boots: THEN STOP SHITTING ALISTAIR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to get part 3 out this weekend.


	19. Area 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title says it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super, super, super late. I'm sorry. I have an excuse: le big depresso. 
> 
> Also I know this is dead by now, but enjoy.

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Bootiful: so....

EdgarAllanPoe: So?

Bootiful: w're really close to Last Chapter Vegas

and its the 21st

ramen: you wanna highjack the bus, don't you?

begaydocrime: Gimme a sec

Slipper: wha-

Begaydocrime: Ok the driver and the adults are out 

Vegan_Cheerleader: FAYBELLE WHAT THE FUCK

begaydocrime: YOU TRY TO BE HELPFUL ONE TIME

Divorce: CHILL I KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

Stop F*cking Lying: I'm afraid to ask how

Divorce: My uncle Apollo taught me how to drive

Gossip_Girl: Isn't he the gay one?

Divorce:  _ they're all the gay one _

__ Except Zeus, he'll just fuck anything with a hole in it

  
  


**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

I.studied.the.blade: We need a plan

Golden Delicious: We do

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: I HAVE ONE

  
  


**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

EdgarAllanPoe: Do we have the pride flag?

Gossip_Girl: Yes

EdgarAllanPoe: Area 69 sign?

begaydocrime: Yes

EdgarAllanPoe: Monster energy drinks for the Kyles?

Begaydocrime: Yes

Dancer 2.0 (improved): So we rendezvous with the others, Naruto run to dodge the bullets, break in, grab all the shit we can 

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: and then grab dem hoverboard and scoot out of there

Golden Delicious: This is it gays…

Carrot: If we die here, I just wanted to say

I'll see you in hell you homos

I.studied.the.blade: Good luck to all of you

Except Sparrow

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Dancer: Everyone in position?

thing 1: Yeah, I’m with the Karens

thing 2: I’m scared

Stop F*cking Lying: Well, it’s too late to go back now

**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Gossip_Girl: STATUS REPORT, STATUS REPORT

forgottenmiddlechild: I FOUND MINECRAFT 2

Dancer: POPPY AND I FOUND THE TOOTHPASTE THAT 10/10 DENTISTS RECOMMEND

ROCKNROLL: I FOUND SHREK 5

Animals > People: I FOUND THE ALIENS 

I.studied.the.blade: APPLE AND I GOT THE HOVERBOARDS

9lives: RENDEZVOUS AT FLOOR 66642069

t(esToSTerOne)shOp: WE’RE GOING SKYDIVING BITCHES   
  


Bootiful: YIPPEE

  
  


**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

cherry: Holly, tame the Karens will you?

thing 1: Sorry, they’re really riled up at minimum wage employees

Animals > People: Holy moly, these aliens be 100% more loyal than these earth animals

Slipper: Yeah, stick it to those hoes

Animals > People: Btw Daring, we now have a son. 

His name is Mary Jane.

Golden Delicious: Poppy, what’s wrong?

thing 2: My FBI agent

It was the mission or Jerry

I had to… 

Divorce: I’m so so sorry for you loss

thing 2: I’ll be fine, I just need some time

Carrot: Ok, everyone in the Mystery Machine

It’s time to go back

Offw/yourhead: Fine mom

  
  


**Headmaster Grimm Is A Butch Lesbian With A Toe And Daddy Kink**

Carrot: Oh look, there are the adults at the side of the road

EdgarAllanPoe: The wolves didn’t them?

ramen: Hey, we have standards!


End file.
